Introductions

Living with bipolar disorder is hard to wax poetic about. That's not even a grammatically correct sentence with which to begin this blog.

I am hypomanic tonight. Bipolar Type II. My mind is racing faster than I can possibly type. I'm agitated, irritable and feeling an incredible high from the most mundane task. Sorting the papers accumulated on my desk over the past several months was exhilerating. I actually left a meeting early so I could get back to my task. Then I stayed about 30 minutes too late because I needed to -- NEEDED TO -- create a form in Word. It was essential.

This afternoon I was in the drive thru at Wendy's contemplating a career change to truck driving all because of the improper way a large vehicle back out of a space. I am an excellent backer outer and it must pay better than social work, right?

So here's the backstory. Diagnosed with depression in 1994 and put on Prozac. Spent a year and half growing increasingly manic, hit rock bottom very hard when a nasty breakup landed me in the hospital, and then received the appropriate diagnosis. Well, I didn't learn about the Type II for several years. Still, I went onto the right meds and pulled it together enough to get through graduate school.

I spiraled downward into a dark place, lost my job because I was incapable of asking for help and sunk deeper without health insurance and the appropriate medication. I made horrible choices and ended up in deep debt.

Remeron and Depakote didn't work. I briefly went onto Topamax which reduced my cognitive functioning -- I simply could not think and I am hard wired to think. Looking back, I may have jumped too quickly on that med as it probably just slowed my thinking down to a normal level.

Fast forward and I ended up on Lamictal. It worked for awhile and then it did not. I experienced a series of mixed states over the course of a year. I finally broke down and agreed to take Lithium which helped for awhile and then it did not. I have not been well for over a year although I am functioning somewhat.

I have a new psychiatrist who specialized in women's mental health. She tweeked my meds a bit so I am now on Lamictal, Lithium, Trazadone and Klonopin. The Trazadone is supposed to help with my sleep. It doesn't seem to be working although I am a tad drowsy.

Blah, blah, blah. I started this blog because I'd like to write about my illness, but I have internalized the stigma of mental illness and struggle with coming out.